Boyfriend’s lack of communication is frustrating
Dear Harriette: I’m starting to resent my boyfriend for spending so much time away from me. I knew when we first started dating that he was in the Navy and would be on deployment for months, but things are so much more difficult than I expected. Sometimes they lose the Wi-Fi on the ship and I can’t talk to them for several days at a time. They recently docked in another country and were able to spend a few days ashore; at that time he had access to wi-fi and phone signals, and i still haven’t heard a thing from him. All we have is our communication, and since it’s fleeting, we have nothing. What should I do? – Deployed
Dear Deployed: Being apart for so long must be difficult for both of you. If you show frustration every time you talk to her, that doesn’t help. If your tone sounds like this letter, chances are your boyfriend dreads it a bit when he talks to you because you always seem upset. Maybe that’s why he didn’t call even though he had wi-fi access. I know that bothers you, but it could be.
The next time you have a chance to talk, tell your boyfriend how much you miss him, but don’t try to make demands on him. Ask him how he’s doing. Listen to see how he’s doing right now. You might want to agree to communicate once a week – if the Wi-Fi allows. If you establish a pattern, it can be easier to follow. The most important thing is that you solve all of this together. Don’t try to force it. It will not work.
Dear Harriette: I took on a nanny job watching two young boys not knowing exactly what I was getting myself into, and now I’m worried I’ve bit more than I can chew.
I have no children of my own. I have nieces and nephews that I love as my own children and we get along incredibly well, so I am caught off guard by my inability to connect or build a good dynamic with the children I care for. I don’t really know what to do. Their parents warned me that they could be a little difficult, but I did not expect this level of difficulty. The boys will disobey me when I ask them to do something in the most polite way possible. They will tell their parents that they don’t have to listen to me because I am not their mother. I don’t know what disrespect I can tolerate. Parents insist they warm up with me, but it’s been two months and nothing has changed. What should be my next step? – New nanny
Dear new nanny: Agree with the parents that if the children do not follow your instructions, there will be consequences for you and the parents to apply. Children need to know that you and the parents are aligned. Agree on strategies that you can use, such as downtime, no electronics, no television, etc., in case of bad behavior.
While you want to be polite, you should also speak firmly to them. Talk to them with authority so they know you are the boss. When they ignore or disobey you, immediately apply an agreed upon punishment. When they follow your instructions, reward them with an activity they enjoy.
Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send your questions to [email protected] or c / o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.